Finally, my blog goes live!
Let me start by sharing some more about myself. I am 33 years old, in a relationship (indeed, not married but living in sin for 11 years now), at the time of writing the concept for this blog post I was about to give birth to my third child (that’s 3 in a little over 3 years time, I must be crazy, right!), doing a job I’m not too passionate about, living a nice and comfortable life. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder “is this it?”. I feel like something’s missing. I envy people who know what they want, who do something they love, something they’re passionate about. Am I being spoiled for even thinking this, for wanting more when I have so much already?
I’ve always wanted to be a mom and have lots of children so I can check that off my bucket list. I’ve never known what I wanted to be professionally, I still don’t, and maybe I never will. But at some point in my life I’ll just have to be brave and step out of my comfort zone, quit my job, and find something completely different to do. I quit my job before, only to return to a different position within the same field which was the safe thing to do. I told myself I would give it one more chance, to do something with my degree and my previous work experience so all those years wouldn’t be “lost”. The problem is that there’s a lot that interests me but nothing that can captivate me. The story of my life: I always had a lot of hobbies but not once did I follow through on anything. As a result I can’t play the violin or play tennis, I can’t dance or speak Spanish. I still have lots of hobbies and I was passionate about all of them, until I got bored…lost interest…found a better hobby…or found another excuse (like having kids) to quit.
So I have no real passion in life and I’m not very good at one particular thing. Wait, that’s not true. As a mother of 3 I’m supposed to say my kids are my passion and they are but to say I’m particularly good at parenting may be a stretch. I always thought I’d be better at it (turns out I’m not as patient as I thought) or maybe I thought it’d be easier. “Wait till you have kids” is a phrase you won’t hear me say very often (since I was never impressed either when people used that line on me before I had kids) but I can’t help thinking it once in a while. I used to see kids going berserk at the supermarket and think that would never happen to me, I’d be able to keep my kids under control. When I see similar situations now, I feel sorry for the parent and I’m comforted by the fact that I’m not the only one with uncontrollable kids. I constantly wonder, is it me? Am I doing it wrong? Or is it my children and the age they’re in? How can they be so stubborn and strong-willed at such an early age? Shouldn’t I fear the future? The little monsters drive me crazy sometimes and at times we get into an irrational power struggle over nothing, such as tidying up the toys. Seems like I can be equally stubborn and strong-willed (duh, where else would they get it from?). Sure, you win some, you lose some but I can’t be losing all the time, right? Little victories can make my day, like getting them to eat just one more bite of food (which is really sad and reminds me to get out of the house more). Don’t get me wrong, my kids are great and I absolutely adore them, especially when they’re asleep…